Confessions of a ‘ K-pop’ fangirl
I THOUGHT I’D BE A LOT OF THINGS at 25, but never was it in my wildest dream to be a fangirl.
I was Bangkok-bound to watch five cute Korean guys sing and dance onstage, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had already gone too deep into K-pop (Korean pop) “fangirldom.”
My obsession started with “Boys Over Flowers,” a Korean show, where I was immediately drawn to Jihoo, the quiet, somewhat anti-social member of the famous F4.
Not before long I felt the familiar stirrings of a schoolgirl crush, not only on the character, but also on the man himself.
A quick Google yielded the singer/actor’s name—Kim Hyun Joong or “KHJ” as he is known.
That Google search led to long hours on the Youtube, for anything about KHJ. I would giggle, scream and sigh (yes, in that order) to the chagrin of my mother, who couldn’t really understand what was going on with her supposedly “adult” daughter.
My crush intensified when a work colleague told me that KHJ was also a lead of a boy band named SS501.
So another round of frenzied Googling ensued, and soon, I was downloading songs from SS501. It took me another hour to get all of the other members’ names right.
Seeking sisters
You know how they say misery loves company? This applies to a fangirl who doesn’t have anyone to talk to about her crazy love for K-pop.
Hoping to find other SS501 followers, I joined every online forum I could possibly find. I dropped by message boards, grabbed e-mail addresses, left comments on YouTube. I was desperate to find fans like me.
I stumbled on the website “Triple S Philippines” (TSPH), the local chapter of the band’s official fan club. I hurriedly signed up for the group. It wasn’t like I had won the lottery or anything, but the thought of getting myself out there, to gush, without getting strange looks, created certain excitement.
As insane as this may sound, I felt like I had found a long lost group of friends in TSPH. When I met them in person, I didn’t feel awkwardness, just an overwhelming sense of kinship.
Spend or save?
In the seven months I’ve been an SS501 fan and TSPH-er, I have come to realize that being a fangirl could be expensive.
You have this urge to look for and buy anything with your idol’s name and/or picture—makeshift bookmarks with downloaded images of your idol, T-shirts, original CDs, concert DVDs, photobooks … I’m just about to spend on the Persona Tour.
Serendipity and semi-stalking
I first heard about the Persona Tour in September 2009. In an attempt to revamp SS501’s image and strengthen its presence in Asia, the band lined up concerts in Malaysia, HK and Taiwan.
Some TSPH girls had already crossed the seas to watch the boys live, but a couple wanted to go for seconds (or even thirds!).
Early this year, I became more convinced that I had to go. This was the chance of a lifetime, I told myself, and to let it pass would mean having to live with “what if?” the rest of my life.
One TSPH-er had an extra ticket to the Persona Tour in Bangkok, the final stop. Hotel accommodations had also been taken care of. All I had to do was book my flight, so I did.
I set out for Bangkok, on my own, on Feb. 12. Having had little rest, I caught a cold and arrived in Bangkok, tired, hungry and with bad laryngitis.
Still, my spirits were high as I made my way to Siam Paragon for the press conference. There, I had another realization: being a fangirl is all about waiting.
In the blazing heat, pressed against the bodies of local SS501 fans, my fellow TSPH-ers and I stood patiently and waited for three hours. The boys stayed and talked onstage for 10 minutes. I wasn’t disappointed, although I can’t say I was extremely happy either.
Apart from the fact that I couldn’t scream and shout for KHJ (who looked so hot in a white suit, by the way), my camera doesn’t have enough zoom power, so it was nearly impossible to get good shots.
All the mishaps of the day did not faze me, however. I had high hopes for the concert, and the thought of getting to watch SS501 live was enough to recharge my batteries.
Back in the hotel, there was more waiting to be done. Because we were checked-in in the same place as the boys, we knew there was a good chance to see them before the concert. We waited in the lobby, and after two hours, they finally arrived.
I caught a glimpse of only Kyu Jong and Hyung Joon, but the wait was definitely worth it. Many of the girls dashed after them as they stepped out of the hotel, but I decided to linger and relish the moment.
Seeing stars
After some pre-concert shopping for SS501 merchandise, we headed to the arena. We weren’t far, we weren’t close, but we really didn’t care. We just prepped ourselves for an awesome performance, and that was exactly what we got.
The concert was fun, revealing, sexy and downright entertaining. It also made me see that there really was more to the band than KHJ. Each of them was able to show off his singing and dancing prowess. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time, pushing my voice to the limit and trying to project fangirl jibberish onto the stage. It truly was an experience of a lifetime.
One would think that attending the concert would calm the fiery spirit of this fangirl. On the contrary, it has only fueled it.
On the plane ride home, all I could think about was how much I wanted to see them again (and how it’s about time I got a camera with gazillion optical zoom).
Obsessive as all this may sound to you, being a fangirl has pushed me to accomplish many firsts in my life—from taking a chance on strangers to traveling all by myself, to writing this love piece.
If underneath the craziness lies this potential for great things, I have no qualms about continuing the journey and going even deeper into the wonderful world of fangirldom.
~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥
Again, many thanks to you.
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